I'm sorry, Miki. I know it's harder on you than it is on me. I remember when I lost my mother and she had a long, full life. You must be devastated. I'm sorry."I kissed her cheek and said, "Oh Laura, you will never know how much it has helped me that you and Jon are here for me. I was totally lost until you came into my life. Just knowing I'm not alone and that someone else shares my pain has made it so much easier to cope. Thank you for that. Thank you both."Jon had been turning on and adjusting the many shower heads in the shower. It was obvious that we were making him uncomfortable with our emotional outburst. He finally turned to where we were hugging at the entrance to his shower room and said, "My father always told me to shut up before he gave me something to cry about. Words to live by if you ask me."Sometimes Jon knew just what to say! Laura and I smiled at his phony gruffness and pulled ourselves together and joined him in the shower. I don't suppose that a lot of you have. Not all clients were like that, but many were, and my mind erected a shield of amnesia to cope with them.How I missed Helen! I wanted to talk to her about my personal misery and my increasing concern for my friends. I thought Katrina was becoming addicted to heroin. Maybe Magda was, too, though her main refuge was vodka. Jagoda seemed close to clinical depression. Helen would have a better idea than I how to handle it. I was too preoccupied with holding myself together to be much help to the others.I’d also tell Helen about the limits of Stockholm Syndrome; I’d never forget what the owners had done to me and I’d never stop hating them. Nor would I forget the bitches who’d sold us.Some clients wanted to give pleasure; male egos are inflated if they believe they’ve made a woman cum. I never learned to fake orgasms realistically but my acting convinced most clients; they wanted to be convinced and they were only men. It was nice when a client smiled; some even thanked me. In contrast,.
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